Just F*cking Listen
Ever vent to somebody and regret it immediately after?
Why do we open up to certain people and hold back with others?
Because real ones f*cking listen.
Humans are simple(ish) – we want to be heard, understood, and valued.
The best relationships are the ones we have deep bonds with.
Whether it be our work lives or our dAtInG LiVeS, If we want to build QUALITY relationships – we have to open our ears and listen.
There’s a big difference between listening to someone, and hearing them.
Hearing is taking in the noise someone is making, listening is digesting and understanding what that noise means. They both take the same amount of time, but they have very different ROI’s.
When a person is understood, they won’t feel detached from you. They’ll be more engaged in the interaction because their confidence goes up – their identity and purpose is confirmed.
It’s that feeling that makes them want to talk to you again, not corny rental jet photos on Instagram.
When we say “they get me” – that hits deep. That person is memorable in your head because you feel understood. Be that person for others and more people will be that for you.
Who knows – sometimes that ROI is a sign to pull away from a person altogether. Listening can help us spot red flags sooner – saving us time (and extra bar tabs on future dinners).
When you’re listening to someone, be there for them and understand them – there’s a fine line between empathizing and coming across arrogant.
We’re born with 2 ears and 1 mouth for a reason – when someone is venting to you, let them speak.
We have to understand that people aren’t always confiding in us because they want us to fix their problems, they want us to understand where they’re coming from.
Listening isn’t about suggesting and giving input.
Giving “advice” where it’s not needed doesn’t make you relatable, it does the total opposite and actually disconnects you from that person.
You’re implying that there’s a problem with what they’re telling you (when there probably isn’t), and you’re the “expert” they should listen to. You’ve officially separated yourself from them.
Instead of listening with the intent to reply, listen with the intent to understand. Click Here to see how you can improve your listening skills.